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27 Of My Most Cringeworthy Moments From My Early Twenties I Will Recount Here For Your Entertainment

If you are my mother or my father or are in {any way|in any manner|in whatever way} affiliated with them, please stop reading {right here|the following|below}. Unless you’ re Aunt Julie. {Because you|As you|Since you} can hang, Jules.
{1 .|1 )|-} I once locked myself into a bathroom with {several|a few} cases of beer, {because the|as the|since the} cops {showed up|arrived|turned up} to a college party. I declared it my throne and proceeded {to continue|to keep|to carry on} to drink cans of Coors Light for over an hour {BY MYSELF|WITHOUT ANY HELP|ON MY OWN} until I decided {it was|it had been|it absolutely was} safe to emerge.

2 . After my 21st birthday party, I fell asleep on my staircase with my tights midway down my legs cradling my then baby dog and assuring her over and over, “ You’ re so beautiful. ” I woke {up to|around|as much as} her chewing on my hair.

3. I played Peter Pan in college and had {some sort of|some type of|some kind of} weird virus that {resulted in|led to|triggered} 85% of my body being covered in hives. I was released from the ER after my school’ s health center sent me there post thinking I was {going into|entering|starting} anaphylactic shock, but I had {to do|to accomplish|to complete} press {and several|and many|and lots of} photo shoots for the show. So now, {there are|you can find|you will find} photos of me (that yes, {you can|it is possible to|you are able to} find) dressed as Peter Pan, flying around, while on {several|a few} milligrams of Valium. {Gives a|Provides|Provides a} whole new meaning to “ flying high. ” (sorry I had to. )

4. Once {I got|I acquired|I obtained} drunk in a field solely {so I|therefore i|and so i} could {hang out|go out|spend time} with a goat named Penelope. Here’ s {a picture|an image|a photo}:

5. My boyfriend for the latter half of my early twenties was around a year younger than me. So {he|that he} couldn’ t drink with me (in public anyway) at my 22nd and {instead|alternatively|as an alternative} had {to take care of|to deal with|to manage} me, bless his heart. On my 21st birthday a friend had challenged me to {take a|have a} shot of SUPER {cheap|inexpensive|low priced} whiskey and I’ d managed to {do it|take action|get it done}. On my 22nd I tried {to complete|to perform|to accomplish} that same challenge and ended up puking into a cloth napkin, and sneakily throwing it away in the trash. My boyfriend promptly took me home after.

6. Another {throw up|provide|purge} story (let’ s just stick with the theme) involved a pint glass. {A party was|A celebration was|An event was} being thrown at my ex’ s house and naturally, I didn’ t {want to|desire to|wish to} attend. {One of|Among|Certainly one of} my {best|most readily useful|most useful} guyfriend’ s offered to accompany me to a bar near said ex’ s place called “ {The Town|The city|Town} And Country Lounge” {which is a|which really is a|which is really a} bar in a refurbished double wide. We sat there {for approximately|for about|for} two to three hours, drinking {cheap|inexpensive|low priced} beer and shooting whiskey. The last shot of Jameson I did didn’ t sit well, and I {ended up|finished up|wound up} methodically vomitting into the pint glass {next to|close to|alongside} me, filling it {straight to|right to|directly to} the brim. Surprisingly though, I didn’ t spill.

7. At 25 I got so heated with a cab driver {after a|following a|after having a} long night that he {ended up|finished up|wound up} calling {the police|the authorities|law enforcement} on me. From {my own|my very own|my own, personal} phone. Saving that whole story for my eventual Lifetime movie. But it happened.

8. I {went to|visited|went along to} an One Direction concert and a stranger {who was|who was simply|who had been} drunk and talking animatedly with his hands clocked me straight in the face. I told him it was {okay|ok}, I missed Zayn too. Again here’ s {a photo|an image|a photograph} from said evening:

9. At 25 I sent {presents|gifts|gift ideas} to some dude who wrote for {the same|exactly the same|the exact same} website as me, because I thought it meant we’ d be friends. Now I’ m {pretty sure|confident|convinced} he just wanted to have phone sex (never did) because {he was|that he was} lonely as {he|that he} stopped {talking to|speaking with|conversing with} me {the SECOND|the next|the 2nd} there was {a possibility|a chance|possible} of us {hanging out|going out|chilling out} IRL. {Learn from|Study from|Study on} my mistakes kids: don’ t send flat-brims to people {just because|because|simply because} they’ re sad. {Save|Save yourself|Save your self} that money.

10. I left my number on more coasters and napkins for cute bartenders than {I can|I could|I will} even remember. It’ s not really a cute move though, and I fully shake my head at myself now.

11. I sort of notoriously trolled {a guy|a man|some guy} on Tinder and wrote about it . It made a lot of people really mad. I still {stand by|the stand by position|uphold} my original intent of writing the piece, which was/is that it’ s kind of fucked up {that we|that people|that individuals} laugh when people threaten us or harass us or even just get rude, but I didn’ t execute this well at all. Like honestly, {I am|I’m|I will be} linking to it and saying, “ I think this ispoorlywritten and I am {the one|the main one|usually the one} who wrote it. ” BUT – I don’ t {believe in|have confidence in|rely on} deleting work even when I don’ t really {relate to|relate with|connect with} it anymore or even when it doesn’ t garner the reaction I was hoping for. {Instead|Alternatively|As an alternative} I just shake my head when I get random messages {about this|concerning this|relating to this} piece (yes, even over a year later) and {use it|utilize it|put it to use} as a reminder to always do better.

12. After my first big breakup I decided to {get out of|escape|get free from} a dodge for {a bit|a little|somewhat} and flew home to be with my parents and my childhood {best friends|close friends}. Only problem, I was flying out of my college town on my ex’ s birthday. And apparently, his parents were also flying out on {the same|exactly the same|the exact same} flight {to go on|to be on|to take} vacation. I was in first class (not bougie – just {the only|the only real|the sole} ticket {that was|that has been|which was} available) {and they|plus they|and so they} had to awkwardly stand beside me waiting {to get to|to access|to get at} their seats. One of my absolute least favorite memories.

13. I impulsively got a tattoo with a sort of boyfriend one day on my ribs. I didn’ t {really WANT|want|really would like} a rib tattoo but this dude told me {it was|it had been|it absolutely was} “ so sexy” {so I|therefore i|and so i} caved. I also made the mistake of {not|maybe not|perhaps not} going to {a reputable|an established|a professional} artist, and frankly the tattoo {looks like|appears like|seems like} shit now. Eventually I’ ll {get it|obtain it|have it} covered up but for now, the scratchy quote stays. Here’ s another {a picture|an image|a photo} so you can see visual representation of my mistakes!! Yay!

" curiosity {often|usually|frequently} leads to trouble. "

A photo posted by Kendra Syrdal (@kendrasyrdal) on

14. Once I {went out|went|sought out} on {a date|a romantic date} with {a guy|a man|some guy} who actually, seriously quoted that fucking AWFUL book about {picking up|picking right up|picking right on up} women called and I didn’ t leave. {Not only|Not merely|Not just} did I not leave, but I let him stay {the night|the night time} at my apartment (didn’ t hook up with him because I maintained SOME {level of|degree of|amount of} self-respect) AND let him shower {in the morning|each day|each morning}. He used my {brand new|completely new|brand-new}, pretty spendy Sephora bubble bath as body wash, and opened brand new shampoo. He {wanted to|wished to|desired to} have a “ discussion” after I told him I wasn’ t interested in seeing him again. Yeah… I pick winners.

15. For my 20th birthday party I threw a joint {birthday party|party|birthday celebration} with {my friend|my pal|my buddy} Nicki {that was|that has been|which was} “ P” themed. This meant {everyone|every one|everybody} who {came to|found|stumbled on} the party had {to come|ahead|in the future} dressed as something that started with the letter P. (Best costume was this dude Kyle who came as the preamble. It was gold. ) {The only|The only real|The sole} other rule was that no one could come as a princess because that’ s what Nicki and I were being. I dressed {like this|such as this|similar to this}:

16. I was so in love with a boy that I bought him Decemberists tickets for literally no reason. Actually, {come to|arrived at|arrive at} think of it, a lot of the moments where I look {at my|within my|inside my} younger self and go, “ What the actual fuck were you thinking?! ” have to do with spending money on boys who didn’ t appreciate me. My therapist {told me|explained|said} that I show affection through material goods because I have difficulty expressing emotions. Whatever, I’ m {working on|focusing on|taking care of} it.

17. I have written so many prose pieces about guys who I knew were pulling {away from|from|far from} me in a sad, pathetic {attempt to|try to|make an effort to} try and {make them|make sure they are|cause them to become} see that I was worth their time and attention. Spoiler alert: If a guy doesn’ t even read your stuff to begin with, {this will|this can|this may} literally never work.

18. At 23 I went to {Las Vegas|Nevada|Vegas} for my best friend’ s 21st birthday and the two of us go so lit up {before going|prior to going|before you go} to the wax museum that we found a karaoke machine (it’ s {next to|close to|alongside} the was figure of Simon Cowell) and started serenading {the entire|the complete|the whole} museum with renditions of Celine Dion hits like “ Taking Chances” and “ {The Power|The energy|The ability} of Love. ” We attempted to shake his hand after. We cleared {the room|the area|the space} of 70+ people. What I’ m saying is, it was embarrassing.

19. I {was really|really was|was} bad about remembering to renew my tags for my car in college and was pulled over for said offense one summer, and still didn’ t renew my tags. 7 months (yes {I know|I understand|I am aware}, I was/am the worst) later I was {pulled over|stopped} AGAIN for the same thing. Apparently there was a warrant out for my arrest and the officer decided midnight was {the appropriate|the correct|the right} time to lecture me {about this|concerning this|relating to this}. Catch? I had just finished a performance ofwhich, if you’ re {not|maybe not|perhaps not} familiar, {is set|is defined|is placed} in Japan. So I was in FULL kabuki makeup while this policeman decided to lecture me about my fuck up. I was sobbing, Ben Nye makeup was smearing {everywhere|every-where|every where}, he felt pretty bad. It was {overall|over all} just a mess. But I didn’ t go to jail. Thanks, Missoula Cop who didn’ t take me in while I was still rocking the geisha makeup. {I really|I must say i|I truly} appreciate it.

20. Iwas feeling vulnerable and sad one Halloween and decided the cure {to this was|to the was|for this was} {hooking up|starting up|setting up} with my friend’ s much younger, VERY hot, {trying to|attempting to|wanting to} be a stripper friend. {It was|It had been|It absolutely was} fine, {it was|it had been|it absolutely was} whatever. But we {hooked up|installed|connected} on the floor of an apartment {which was|that was|that has been} basically concrete. I {ended up|finished up|wound up} slipping a disc, bruising my tailbone, and {having to|needing to|being forced to} spend {the next|another|the following} 3 months getting chiropractic work to make my back {okay|ok} again. {He was|That he was} hot, but not hot enough to justify that amount of {back|right back|straight back} pain. #srynotsry

21. {I got|I acquired|I obtained} violently ill once from antibiotics and promptly shit in my leggings after trusting the fart. There is more to the story but again, saving it for my future bestseller.

22. I thought {this was|this is|it was} a good look. And also did this {in public|in public areas|in public places}.

23. In college I played Columbia in the live musical version of where, for the midnight shows only, we were topless. I debated {about it|about any of it|about this}, but it was a paid gig and I felt fine {about it|about any of it|about this} so I decided sure, {why not|you will want to|why don’t you}. My boyfriend at the time {was NOT|had not been|wasn’t} okay with it. I later {found out|discovered|learned} he {adamantly|obdurately|unwaveringly} REFUSED to let his friends {come to|arrived at|arrive at} the show, even going so far as {to pay|to cover|to pay for} them {back|right back|straight back} for the tickets {they had|that they had|they’d} already purchased. I didn’ t find this out for years {and it|also it|plus it} still makes me super embarrassed for his behavior.

24. {A guy|A man|Some guy} broke up with me when I was 25 because I didn’ t make enough eye contact. {That was|That has been|Which was} his honest to god reason. (Still bitter. )

25. I went on a mini vacation with some friends to Austin, Texas for my 26th birthday and {decided to|made a decision to|chose to} really just {GO for it|Do it now|Do it} when I was there. This meant doing {one of the|among the|one of many} ultimate “ why not” moments: the Tinder one night stand. Only problem? We didn’ t know our way around Texas and I didn’ t bring any condoms. So my solution was {to have|to possess|to own} Postmates deliver them. I didn’ t even {try to|make an effort to|attempt to} play it off and ordered like, chips and gum {to make|to create|to produce} it better. I {straight up|directly|upright} just ordered a box of 16 Trojan’ s to the AirBnb. The delivery man was loling, my “ date” was loling, my friends were loling. {It was|It had been|It absolutely was} lols {all around|throughout|all over}. 10/10 recommend.

26. A friend of mine {came to|found|stumbled on} Seattle for an audition and I took her out one night to blow off some steam/show her {the city|the town}. We {ended up|finished up|wound up} drinking {all night|forever|through the night} with {a professional|a specialist|an expert} indoor {soccer team|team} from Vegas, and I definitely got naked in a photobooth with {a bunch of|a lot of|a number of} them. Somehow though, I still didn’ t get laid. Only I could be one of two girls surrounded {by a|by way of a|with a} bunch of guys who were hot, professional athletes, show them {all of|most of|all} my tattoos that required me taking my clothes off, and end up going home {to eat|to consume} queso {in bed|during intercourse|during sex}.

27. I lived. I made memories. Or I had those memories told back to me because I didn’ t really… well… them. {And even though|And although|And though} sometimes {that makes|which makes|that produces} me all “ god dammit smdh” I honestly think it’ s pretty dope that I have {all of these|many of these|most of these} stories – cringeworthy or what {have you|perhaps you have|maybe you have}.

Plus I once peed on my neighbor’ s lawn furniture because she was threatening to call the cops on my Harry Potter themed party. And you can’ t pay money {for those|for all those|for anyone} kinds of stories.

Read more: http://thoughtcatalog.com/kendra-syrdal/2016/09/27-of-my-most-cringeworthy-moments-from-my-early-twenties-i-will-recount-here-for-your-entertainment/